It occurs to me – now – that in using the phrase “shotgun method” to reference a prolific and scattered creativity…well, the phrase may have been misinterpreted.

I am not referring to any events involving firearms of any sort.

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The problem with this particular sort of process…well, it’s a lot to process.

Going to try to quiet down and think about how I want to say things rather than just saying as much as I possibly can. I don’t mind the missteps I’ve made in this record – faulty stances and unclear ambitions…

I am just a human trying to stay sane. Really.

My heart is pounding a lot these days…the ghosty-ness of the past month freaks me out. I feel like I’ve been through a hurricane and I’ve no clue where the fuck my house went.

(Though I have no clue what that feels like. I’ve always had a roof over my head.)

Sorry for my use of the f* word. Maybe I will start using that abbreviation for emphatic cursing.

I have always had all these stories in me…it was trying not to tell them that was hard. Or to try to tell them in a way that people would like. You know, I’m not so worried about whether or not people like them…and that is remarkably freeing.

The qualms I have in regard to my story is not about the story itself, but how the consumer will consume me…

I own my own truth and well, I’m sorta worn out worrying about what people will think.

My heart is bursting with stories.

And I recognize that such conditions can drive a person quite mad. And it is for this reason, as well, that I publish publicly…so that people like The Shipman and other unnamed allies can call me back or correct me in my thinking. I don’t have much of a safety net these days. This is it…don’t begrudge me my anchor.

I feel like there is some story I am trying to glean here.

I just have to wade through a lot of words to find it.