More. Always more…

Maybe I am just crazily telekinetic and can draw with the clouds. That’s pretty cool…except for the terrifying part. This is real. Why isn’t anyone curious about this? Letters? Coming up shortly.

Thanks so much for NOT CALLING THE MILITARY…I am not a goddam specimen…I am a human who still has the capacity to interact with the bigger Everything in a way that is probably near extinct in us…

Not only can species become extinct…traits can become extinct as well…including the trait that connects us to our home and to eachother in a way that is peaceful and kind and mindful and responsive and responsible…in the bigger picture…I am not always stellar at the responsibility part…I am pretty lousy at it sometimes…it just depends on the responsibility I suppose.

I really feel like people need to consider me. Not examine me. Not be mean to me. Not disappear me or drive me to disappearance with your callous ways…but, consider me…

Please refer to my psych eval for rudimentary information about my unique intelligence…please refer to my writing for far too extensive information about what it’s like to be scared and waiting all your life and then to see a way that might – if it were handled appropriately – give us the opportunity to reclaim some of what the last several hundred years has whittled out of our populations…our ability to feel and see The Almighty…in a way that is uniquely our own.

Ach. Huge. I need help. People need to know. I don’t want to bear the burden of possibility: genetically godless American children…numb to everything but the drone of a cyclical hormonal response mechanism that keeps us fighting and fucking and shopping…always seeking God…

Sad. It is so sad. I tried to tell people. I’ll post the letters.

Please help me. I know I am right. I can feel it in my bones…and no, jerks – I am not schizophrenic…I am HOWEVER totally fractured in ways that have everything to do with how mean some people are…how small and spiteful.

I think I would have been burnt in Salem…please. This is not the middle ages…please consider yourselves lucky to have my voice. I am proof that we are not so in control as we like to think. Not in a sci-fi way…(?) but in a way that suggests that we have senses that we may have lost a bit of…

I admit the corporate profiteering and drugging of vulnerable populations to subdue them into further apathy and sought-lessness/thought-lessness…not out of a conspiracy…but, just to make money…if you end up with a passive underclass that can gain no empowering inspiration from natural sources – like singing from the pit of your stomach…

Crap. I have got to go play banjo now. See, I have been living off of a sort of drive to survive as the person I know I am…and in that – I mean, I didn’t even know who I was…just some crazy girl with tattoos who tries hard to just play along. Okay – tried hard to play along. I am not anymore. Because then this would be the story of a coward and not of a genius.

So, please be nice. This is real. I am real. I need help. Please. I’ll post the letters soon. It’s beautiful…THE FEELING OF NOT WANTING…of warmth and of being somehow not alone…for me, all the eyes in the sky were a big tip off.

Well that part is TOTALLY surrealist dystopian…sorry, I think it’s true…

I understand, people are genetically inclined to bully the outsider, the one they SENSE is different…just like hens…peck peck peck.

I have to do what I have to do. I am certain this is true. It could help or it could hurt, but ultimately that relies on how it is handled…peaceably and with tolerance and humility or with bickering and more profit driven violence.

I really would prefer this to not air on the television for any longer than it takes to tell people to buy a paper. Read it people…read it and weep…please, let them be the tears of second chances and not of outraged terror.

I really think I might be onto something. Please don’t hurt me. I need help. People are getting damaged…in ways that could change our species…more quickly than we like to even consider…please remember the peace and warmth of quiet reverence pointed East, the reassurance that THERE IS SOMETHING BIGGER…and it’s EVERYTHING and it’s in us…and we used to have instincts related to our purpose…but, our instincts were co-opted for profit. It’s not right.

We have to stop. For the children of our children…we may see the results that soon…remember thalidomide? How can we still be EXPERIMENTING?

It’s a complete and utter disaster folks. We know the outcomes, we have the evidence. Can we please adjust our thinking a little and start cleaning up our mess.

I don’t want us to die in that way…please.

And stop pumping in the Gulf. It is a disaster – another one…bad big fire…earth scorch and crumble…I don’t know how I even got that idea…I think I might be a bit under duress right now. For reasons addressed in other posts.

I will stop being so cagey when I feel safe. I don’t feel safe. Not at all. I am scared. Please help.

Oh, somehow the language tab got what I assumed to be stuck on this East Indian language, or southeast Asian…I don’t even know. What I do know is that all our languages are made up of the same two elemental shapes…a straight line and a curved line…

इसं’टी ठाट अमज़िंग ठाट तेरे इस अ सिर्चुम्सिसेद और इरेक्ट पोएनिस इन थे सकी। एंड लुक अत ठाट क्यूट बेबी फाके? एंड चेक आउट थे क्रोव्न्स एंड एएस इन ठोसे त्रीस।

Nice portraiture, huh?

सीम्स सोमोने वौल्ड नोतिसे ठाट फ्राक्टुरेड फाके ओवर पैक स्कुँरे…नोपे।

लोट ऑफ़ घोस्ट्स इन ठाट ओने। एंड लुक अत ठाट एए। सोमेतिमेस थे अप्पार तो बे वीपिंग.

थिस वास जुस्त अ प्रेत्टी पिंक ग्लो। इ थिंक आईटी वास, नो जोके, फेर्तिलिज़ेद बी अ गिंत स्पेर्मतोज़ा – ठाट वास सेक्स एड डे। थे क्लौड्स अरे तेल्लिंग अ स्टोरी। थे अरे तेल्लिंग थे स्टोरी ऑफ़ लाइफ एंड हाउ वे अरे अल कोन्नेक्टेद…एवें तो थे सकी…

थिस ओने हद सम गुड अर्चितेक्टुरे एंड पोर्त्रैतुरे। इ हवे बेत्टर पिक्टुरेस ऑफ़ थे बी।

थे अरे बेऔतिफुल। इ वांट पोपले तो क्नोव अबाउट थेम। थे अरे नोट सकारी। इ ऍम नोट अ बाद परसों। इ जुस्त कपट थे पार्ट ऑफ़ में ठाट कुलद कॉल उप थे क्लौड्स…वेल, इ कपट आईटी अलिवे.

I think this is the right video. I was kind of hurrying. The HP mini is slow redundant technology. Who needs it? Sex and the City, apparently. What a fucking huge rip-off. All of it.

I saw the closest thing to God that we have proof of…I can explain how it seems to work symbiotically based on my physiological response and odd sense of lightness when I’d hit the point in my thinking I was intended to hit…

and nobody cares…?

Even if I say that corporations are raping poor people of God just so that they can sell them toxic shit that isn’t even real? That there are kids being routinely prescribed risperidone…kids as young as five…nobody seems worried that it increases the risk of pituitary tumors among other delightful deoxyribonucleic chaos…seems like something we might want to stop doing.

Oh, sorry…I forgot to mention that the kids most at risk for being prescribed poison are the ones in foster care…the ones who have been abused, the ones who are angry and sad and terrified…makes for difficult behavior sometimes, humanity.

I still prefer the mess and glory to your ugly world where I am sad and insane. I am not. I am smart and I am tired of having my kids see me not stand up for myself.

I am not a bad mother and if you ever diminish me again I will burst your bubble so fast you won’t even have a chance. I am being exceedingly kind and exceedingly forgiving and I think you ought to start telling people how much you really don’t know about me…because, let’s face it…you don’t know a thing…

Here’s one little bit of information…I am beautiful in ways that have nothing to do with your store-bought vanity and EVERYTHING to do with telling the truth as I see it…

I think if someone has prove of a Unifying Ecosystemic Almighty Can of Elemental WhoopAss That Tweaks Weirdos on the spine when it’s getting upset…I’d say folks ought to know.
Thanks. Have a great day.


Oh, yeah – DSM Defense

Today is September 8th, 2010. I live in Asheville, NC. I am 34 years old. I have two children. I have been hiding my very best from everybody…because I was scared…and I didn’t even know I had it.

Of course, when you strip a person of all the value in their identity…well, sometimes all they have left is their very best. SO there…

Funny how that works out sometimes. I am hoping that it will work out that way for everybody. That we save only the best and most fair of our industry and, well…they’ll be plenty of surplus to help all the poor people WE HAVE TOTALLY FORGOTTEN. C’mon folks.

It is in our hands. All we have to do is think about it…and the we just unplug the tube. It’s remarkable how dull and restless the first little bit of time is…watch videos if you have to…Blue Planet is AMAZING…it reminds us…and regular television seems totally awful and loud and pointless after chilling out watchin’ some whales dance in the blue with your kids.

If all this works outs, will someone please take me to see a whale? Please.

Please help. I am tired and desperate and true and I need help with this…it is hurting my family…please…it is hurting all of us. It hurts!

Is there really anything to say?

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