Notes, Diagrams, and Questions Re: Feeling, Time, The Shape of The Universe, and This Thing We Call God

These are notes I sent to myself earlier… so that I can remember the feeling of understanding something in some small, particular moment.

Did you know that 2 spirals can look like a triangle?

What if that was how it used to be?

(Sometimes I can *feel* people so strongly. I find connection with many people and I *feel* that connection, in my heart and mind and in my body.
My hands brrr and buzz. Sound becomes a smooth egg. It is easy to listen. My chest becomes warm and there are points of pressure in my shoulders. I can *feel* it.
I don’t like the thought that such a sense of vital human connection – the thought/experience of feeling people – could, within the psychiatric paradigm, be considered to meet criteria for a “severe mental illness.”
It would be called some sort of delusion. The bodily resonance that I *feel* with some people would be termed a somatic delusion.
I think I am just finally feeling alive again.
It is not “mentally ill” to be fully and honestly human.
I wonder if people used to be able to *feel* one another more?)
You may not realize this, but this is actually a picture of two universes that are each made up of two spirals.that form spheres. It is also a diagram of a molecule.

What is will?

Electricity has no will, only impulse…which is then interpreted by humans through the mechanics of consciousness and meaning.
However, it does have patterns and it does have currents and these things become will unto themselves.

Perhaps what separates us from animals is not our conscious will, but the extent to which we use our conscious will to separate us from the fact that we are animals.

Horse and head.

(Beebo is the name of a dog. I heard this name being called this morning, as I sat on the steps and wondered about the sun and its sudden warmth.
The woman, a neighbor, was walking diagonally across the street, shuffling fast, calling, “Beebo! Get back here!”
When the dog ran away, she yelled “Shit!” and ran back to her car, slammed her car door. She maneuvered a frantic 3-point reverse in the middle of the road and drove south to pursue the dog named Beebo that I had just watch run up the field beside my house, heading for the kudzu wilds behind the housing project on the other side of the hill.)

This is today's sundog. I see them all the time, because there is something prismatic in the SSE sky here.

Notes on the subject of God

In many systems of belief it is generally agreed upon that God works in mysterious ways. While there are various traditions that have sought to determine the precise mechanisms of these workings, many tenets are content with not knowing and even hold that mystery sacred.

First and foremost, it’s best to establish that what I am referring to here is not the God of any specific religion, any specific God or gods.

I am interested in what might best be understood as universal METAphysical forces and patterns that, in our subjective phenomenological experience, take on the shape and feel of God in our minds and in our hearts.

I am interested in the objective God through which the subjective Gods are born.

I was never one to be content with mystery.

So, let us presume that there is no mystery, that these forces we’ve named God are real and that they work in ways that are observable and measurable.

We’ve all heard it…

“That’s God, man!”

…people talking on the bus, a crisis near averted, tragedy endured, a lesson to be learned, a breeze, a bird, a moment held like a child’s hand, a dog being chased down the street…?

Do we know what to make of it?

This lifting, these waves, that stillness and pull?

Do we know love when we feel it? Do we turn it into fear?

Is God in us or outside of us, or is God found in the space between, in what we make of God?

If we presume God to be real and to work in ways, regardless of whether those ways are mysterious or established, is it possible that in the space between, the wild landscape of human interpretation, that God could be misunderstood?

Is it possible that God could be misinterpreted by our willful and misinformed human minds, our struggling human hearts?

I’d hazard a guess that most people who work with folks around issues of spirituality would tell you that many people grapple with the workings of God. It would even be fair to say most people’s spiritual path is defined, in fact, by their efforts to figure out the working of God in their lives.

Why do we believe?

What do we believe?

Are we scared to believe?

If God is real, wouldn’t it make sense that the forces of God at work would affect people and their lives?

Even if people didn’t believe in or understand or care to know a thing at all about God, wouldn’t they still be affected?

What happens if the forces we might call God are at work in a person’s life and they don’t realize it?

What becomes of those forces?

What meaning is made of them?

The failure of science to produce an incontrovertible agreed upon God has allowed God to become a matter of religion, a matter of opinion, in which truth is what humans decide is true, regardless of whether or not it actually is.

Then, when what might be God works in our lives, we don’t know what to make of it, because it’s not always like the books say it is.

The only way that God can work among humans is through the consciousness of our hearts and minds.

You cannot explain what God means to humans without explaining how humans understand God.

Is God an idea or is it a distinct force or series of forces that we then get ideas about?

Is it delusional to think that God is affecting itself upon one’s life and experience?

I ask a lot of questions.

3 thoughts on “Notes, Diagrams, and Questions Re: Feeling, Time, The Shape of The Universe, and This Thing We Call God

  1. I want to respond to this in greater detail at a later time. It’s 4 am. I ran a bath well over an hour and a half ago, and I somehow got off track and ended up at your blog (which was revealed to me tonight through a retweet in my twitter feed). I’m literally floored by your material. There is so much beauty and esoteric substance here- and I can’t possibly convey the connection I felt when I started to read your entries tonight. I’m going to be brave (or stupid) and tell you that I feel that you are like me, but far more evolved. If we were both characters in one of Madeleine L’Engle’s books (which I read as a child and have been revisiting lately- in particular the books revolving around the Wallace children), I’d be a relatively evolved human being whereas you would be a highly evolved human being (if you were human at all- possibly a star taking the form of a person). I don’t mean to flatter necessarily, but more to convey the depth of my amazement at what you’re expressing on here. I hope you won’t mind if I comment on your posts from time to time, as they are literally the most meaningful thing I’ve come across in the blogosphere, and I would be deeply honoured to exchange words with you. Thank you, Julian.

    PS I mentioned that I had somehow gotten off track. Well the bath water might be cold, but I definitely did not go off track.

  2. This comment was the first words I read this morning. Thank you so much for your generosity of appreciation. I checked out your BEAUTIFUL blog ( and I am so glad that you opted to say hello, because it seems that we do share ideas and are – in our ways – living in the same sort of story. Please do comment (be my friend!) and I will try to follow your work as well. I am getting ready to put together a blogroll for this space, a list of allies and remote collaborators in understanding and reclamation. Would you mind if I made the lovely and wise space you’ve created will be a part of that.

    I’m sorry your bath got cold, but I’m glad you spent some time with my words.

    I don’t think I’m too terrifically evolved – I’m just trying to figure out ways to thrive in being who I am…which is, I suppose, how we all grow.

Is there really anything to say?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s